Love it or loathe it, it’s hard to find an in-between when it comes to The Substance (2024), which is undoubtedly an acquired taste, as evidenced by its nomination for Best Picture at the 97th Academy Awards, although it was ultimately snubbed for Anora.
Demi Moore Takes on Hollywood’s Brutal Mirror in a Role Earning Praise
Pressured for perfection, Demi Moore plays Elisabeth Sparkle, a famous, fading fitness guru who’s apparently one wrinkle away from being yeeted out of Hollywood, a performance that earned her a nomination for Best Actress. She feels the weight of aging under the spotlight, especially after overhearing her sleazeball boss, Harvey (Dennis Quaid), describe her as “old.” Perhaps this role was Moore’s personal F-U to ageism in the entertainment business.
With the fear of becoming yesterday’s star looming over her, Elisabeth is suckered into a health and wellness program after a nurse slips her a USB stick containing a promotional package that promises “a better version of herself.” Hook, line, and sinker, our desperate diva orders a box of mystery juices and needles. Desperate for perfection, Elisabeth dives headfirst into the cryptic instructions, setting the stage for this trainwreck.
Too Long, Too Naked as The Substance Drags into Absurdity
Clocking in at least an hour too long, dragging its carcass across the finish line, and even then, it may still be pushing its limits. It feels like something that could have been condensed and better suited as a snappy 'Black Mirror' episode, as the entire process of watching Elisabeth morph into her younger, shinier clone Sue (Margaret Qualley) to stay relevant, sounds juicy but becomes repetitive, stretching the premise well beyond its breaking point for what we can handle.
It’s essentially soft-core porn, so don’t make the mistake of suggesting this for a movie night with someone you care about, because they might think you’re a perv. Everything is put on display as the camera lingers on full-frontal nudity and close-up shots of bare asses. Moore’s grotesque transformation into Qualley's Sue is the main event, but it’s buried under a pile of absurdity and nonsense. The script feels all over the place most of the time. It's like you could drop into this movie at any point and really miss nothing. Then the so-called ‘dark humor,’ which basically falls at the feet of Dennis Quaid and its refusal to take itself seriously, just makes it feel like someone scribbling on the walls.
Batcave Bathrooms and Bad Decisions Send It into Grotesque Freefall
The movie is stuffed with so many loose threads, it’s like a plot-hole piñata, bursting with unanswered questions you’d need a spreadsheet to track. How does Sue, Moore’s perky clone, armed only with youthful optimism, become a DIY expert and turn her apartment into a high-tech Batcave with a secret bathroom compartment?
As beauty slowly turns into a nightmare, any guilty pleasure in watching Elisabeth’s messy fall from grace doesn’t last long before it all turns into noise. If you somehow survive the soul-crushing runtime of watching Elisabeth bounce between her apartment and her “thrilling” errands to the sci-fi dropbox that spits out serums like a vending machine for bad decisions, brace yourself. The movie swan-dives into a grotesque rabbit hole that seems impossible to picture.
As The Substance loves itself more than we ever could, we were more than glad to finally see the end credits. The entire movie feels like a parody of Hollywood’s obsession with Botox, with the absurdity cranked all the way up for effect.
